remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
