If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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