now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize