help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
