somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
