i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
