Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
