it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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