Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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