is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
