I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
