Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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