So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
