Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
