You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
