The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize