no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
