i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
