hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Actions speak louder than pants.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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