It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
