My liver just broke up with me...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
