So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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