Me too!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
