Duck Duck Cougar?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
