life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
