Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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