so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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