if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
