but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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