I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
