so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
