im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
