I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
