Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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