Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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