She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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