i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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