I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
