I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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