Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
