i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize