Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
