He had one of those small greek statue penises
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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