Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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