saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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