Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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