I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
