I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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