My first STD was from a foam party
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
