I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize