she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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