so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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