Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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