It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
