Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
