i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
