Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
