I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
