she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
