Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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