are you still at the devil's house?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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