I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
