She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
