just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My ass is underappreciated
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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