i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
