My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
