My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
