i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
