seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
