I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
