im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
