Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
