my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
