Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
