Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
