you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
