2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize