Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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