We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
