But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
