Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
