Kiss
Puke
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
