I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
