Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
