I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
