He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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