Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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