Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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