yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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