left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
3 2 1 whiskey
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
