one two three fourrrrnication!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
