Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
