Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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