I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
