We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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