I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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