guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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