Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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