Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She even gives head with a lisp.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize