The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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