How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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