The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They took my balls.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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