I wish my penis had an off switch
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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