i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
