What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize