Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
