dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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