god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
