I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
