1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize