I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
