I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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