covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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